So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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