I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
