Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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