I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
