im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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