how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
