dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We got so high we made milksteak
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
