New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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