She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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