my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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