I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
