It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
