I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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