Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
