So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
