If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
