Someone shit on the floor
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
