He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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