Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
