you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
