the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
