My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize