The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
