new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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