all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
