I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
