Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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