boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
