$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Your penis caused this!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
