The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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