that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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