can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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