the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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