you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
