I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
