If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
