What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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