You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
