Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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