just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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