There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
