Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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