Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
