never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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