My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
