I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
As shirtless as possible
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
