You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This is my gift to your gina
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
