why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
