Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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