he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
