U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize