We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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