I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
