Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
