I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
