So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize