Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
