Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
