I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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