my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
only you would photoshop your dick
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
