Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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