you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize