Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
