all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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