Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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