Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
