my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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