who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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