Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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