I cannot find my penis.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
