So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
