Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
