The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
