Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
