she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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