This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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