Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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