I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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