god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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