Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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