is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
