don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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